Our family

What is family time?
Today society has no time away from work, some rather be at work than home. Some will love to be home but is impossible because of a job requirments. Governments has made sure, the family structure divides, is destroyed. Making the cost of living so high, mothers can not afford to stay home even if the husband works. (Muslims and non-believers equally) At times the role is reversed, the husband staying home and the mother been the sole providers on the household. Having mothers working over 40 hours a week and fathers resenting every day more. The moms are tired, the dads are tired and the children are in front of the television, and the teenager runs out of the house with friends. Then again the teenager is the one left to take care of the little ones, creating a false sense of responsibility. Making our teenager feel they are ready for such a task. Ask any teen mom, what they use to do at home. They will answer,” Take care of my brothers and sisters, cook and clean…..” So, what are you expecting this teen to do? (That will be another subject) The family structure is pulverize, for progress (that we don’t see at home, because we still living paycheck trough paycheck), technology (some families can not afford a computer), all the wants and not one need is provided. We are working so hard and at the end we leave a trial behind. Of broken hearts, promises and lives. All for the wants in our lives, nothing else. We wonder why my child runs away. Why my child is in a gang? Why my child is not praying? Or why my daughter is pregnant at 15? May Allah protect our families. Why my husband is cheating? Or why my husband has another wife that has 6 kids? or why American Muslim women are marring brothers from other countries, why my wife wants a divorce, I am a good man who stays at home and helps around the house.(Brother please get a job.) Again that will be another subject. In life nothing is easy but it can become easier if we follow the Qur’an and the Sunnah of our Prophet. This subject not only affects the non-believer it also affects the Islamic communities in westernized countries. Allah Subhana Wa Tallah never place a burden heavier that we can bear.

Lets try to do something’s together, as a family:

1. The family as a whole should have a “sit down” to learn the family needs.  All the members that can, should make a list, the older siblings should help the younger ones. A need list is a things that will draw the family together, were little or no money is need it. Time for conversation between family members, learning something new (Surah, Ayat, how to sew and knit, color, or even wash the family car, clean the yard, bake a cake)

2. Mom and Dad time. Making time for each other is essential. Ask from each other favors, things that you can do for your spouse. (Fix a nice bath, a good message, indoor dinner for two, wake up early enough so everyone can pray Fajar, send the kids to bed again and you have sometime alone before the day starts) Learn how a Muslim marriage works together to help each other and all the members of the family. If mom and dad are not in order the family falls . Keep life simple. Stop arguing about simple stuff. If the tension is such that you both know that help is need it, ask for it. Make sure you talk about it, and seek the help of a professional. It might help. Know your limitations. Buy informational Islāmic books that address the topic of family and marriage. Pray, Pray and then pray some more. Allah subhana wa tallah will answer your prayers.

3. Take time separately. You like to read, he likes sports. You like to spend time with the sisters once a week, reading, studying, cooking together, and sewing. Make time for an activity. He likes to go and spend time with the brothers, doing whatever men do when they get together. So compromise, once a week you go and he takes care of the children and does things with them and then is your turn. Like that you are away from each other doing the right thing and enjoy the company of an adult.

I saw a documentary about Egyptian women, one of the topics was beautifying themselves for their husbands. They go and visit each other and they dye their hair, buy pretty clothing together, and other things that I will not mention here. The fact is women in Egypt do it why can you and be beautiful and less stress for your husband and family?

Family life is not an I, or woman issue. Is a we and together, family issue. Decisions were made together not alone and that is the way a Muslim family should live.

khadijah falak

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Published by

Boricua Muslimah

Graduate from Rutgers Newark. Journalist, photographer and videographer.

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